The Autism Retort Blog

The boy prepared “dinner” for doggy and seahorse.

Would you care to join them?

Grab the Special Exposure Wednesday button and share what’s going on in your world!

Today I offer something a little different — a story that I read a few years ago that makes me search for those special opportunities where I might do something that improves the life of just one person.

The Cab Ride (Author Unknown)

Twenty years ago I drove a cab for a living. When I arrived at 2:30am, the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute and then drive away. But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my help, I reasoned to myself.

So I walked to the door and knocked. “Just a minute” answered a frail, elderly voice.

I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pill-box hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the wall, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

“Would you carry my bag out to the car?” she said.

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly to the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness.

“It’s nothing” I told her. “I just try to treat my passengers the way that I would want my own mother to be treated.”

“Oh, you’re such a good boy,” she replied.

When we got into the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, “Could you drive through downtown?” I replied that it’s not the shortest way. “Oh, I don’t mind,” she said, “I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.”

I looked into the rear view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. “I don’t have any family left,” she continued. “The doctor says that I don’t have very long”. I quietly shut off the meter. “What route do you want me to take?” I asked.

For the next two hours we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness—saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, “I’m tired. Let’s go now”. We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. “How much do I owe you?” she asked, reaching into her purse.

“Nothing” I replied.

“You have to make a living,” she answered. “There are other passengers,” I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent down and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. “You gave an old woman a moment of joy,” she said. “Thank you.” I squeezed her hand and walked into the dim sunlight.

Behind me I heard a door slam shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatiently waiting to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run or had honked once and drove away?

After thinking about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have never done anything more important in my entire life than what i did tonight.

Our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware. May our busy lives never get in the way of a truly “great moment” in the giving of ourselves to others.

PEACE

 

 

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It’s not something any of us want to think about. I faced it once, 4 years ago, when my then-1-year-old had inexplicable black outs and seizures over the 18 months following her 1st birthday. As a parent of children with profound special needs, it’s a constant, if hidden, companion to us. What if the unspeakable happens?

A friend and wonderful author on special needs parenting, Jolene Philo, posted this resource yesterday to help families grieving the loss of their child. Nobody wants to talk about it, but someone you know may need these resources. Please pass it along to anyone you know who this can help.

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No one wants to talk about planning a child’s funeral. For those of us without experience in the matter, the topic is uncomfortable. We avoid it at all costs. For parents who have lost a child, it is a searingly painful time, and they need resources and support while going through it.

Planning a Funeral

When our son was fifteen, he asked us to help plan his funeral before he went through a very serious surgery. The whole story can be found in Chapter 18 of  Different Dream Parenting: A Practical Guide for Raising a Child with Special Needs. (The release date is October 1, but it’s already available for pre-order on Amazon. Go figure!)

While writing the chapter on planning funerals for kids, I found a few good resources, but not nearly as many as for other chapters of the book. Thankfully, several parents graciously (and tearfully) shared their stories for the benefit of others going through the same thing. I am in awe of their willingness to unwrap their pain so others can find healing.

Meet Melissa

In March of this year, a few weeks before the manuscript was due to the publisher, I spoke at a MOPS group in River Falls, Wisconsin and met Melissa. During her pregnancy, she and her husband learned their second child, Julia, had a birth defect not compatible with life. While waiting for her November 2010 due date, Melissa combed the internet for information about planning an infant’s funeral.

An amazing woman, don’t you think? Well, that’s not the half of it. The day before the MOPS meeting, Melissa learned she had breast cancer. Even so, when we talked after the meeting, she offered to send a list of the resources she located. A few weeks later, even though she was going through chemotherapy, she emailed the list before the book deadline. Told you she’s amazing.

Check Out Melissa’s Finds

Some of the information sent by Melissa is included in Different Dream Parenting. Some of it is listed below. The rest will appear in a post on April 27. If you know a family facing the death of a child, please pass the information on to them if you think they would appreciate it. Melissa and other parents interviewed for Different Dream Parenting found funeral planning to be a healing act of parenting, something they could do for their child.

• BIRTH-DEATH ANNOUNCEMENTS: www.babydeckar.com
• BOOKS: Mommy, Please Don’t Cry by Linda DeYmaz
• BURIAL GOWNS: Baby Bereavement Gowns, Angel Layettes, and Mary Madeline Project
• CASKET: Melissa says the Trappist Monks in Iowa sell gorgeous caskets for infants, toddlers, and children at www.trappistcaskets.com.
• FUNERAL SERVICE PLANNING: www.nationalshare.org, www.janelbak.com, www.myveryownangel.org
• MUSIC
  Jesus Loves Me
  I am Jesus’ Little Lamb
  Blest the Children of Our God
  In Christ Alone
  Go My Children
  Be Thou Near to Me by Selah
  Remember Me by Mark Schultz
  I Will Carry You by Selah
  Precious Child by Karen Taylor Good
  Still by Gerrit Hofsink
  A Mother’s Love by Randy Thompson
  Eternity by Vineyard Music Group
  How Can I Help You Say Goodbye by Patty Loveless
  An Angel’s Lullaby by Richard Marx
  Butterfly by Mariah Carey
  Somewhere Down the Road by Amy Grant
• OBITUARIES: Sample Infant Obituaries

Enough Already

The mind can handle only so much at a time. Rather than giving you everything to absorb in one fell swoop, I’ve divided Melissa’s wonderful resources into two parts. So come back on Wednesday, April 27 for more. While today’s resources focused on the funeral, the remaining ones are concerned with grief resources for families. Not a happy topic, but oh, so necessary.

In the meanwhile, if you know of other resources please share them in the comment section. And would you join me in praying for Melissa and her family as she continues treatment for breast cancer?

We’re lifting you up, Melissa!
Jolene

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Reposted from A Different Dream for My Child